2️⃣125: People You Shouldn't Trust in 2025 🥱

Forgot to send the email yesterday because I was too busy at naked hot yoga. 

For previous lists of people you shouldn’t trust, please see here, here, and here. Made it a point to not include anyone from past lists. You’ve already been warned whom not to trust, what you do with that info is up to you.

Here are some people with unreal levels of sus:

1. Big Sean when he says he’s going to drop a fire new album

2. A group chat of middle-aged white people with a 17:2 men-to-women ratio

3. People who see a beach that is publicly accessible by pretty much anyone in the world who decides to venture to it and think that cutting access to that beach to only select people is a good idea.

4. Job listings on LinkedIn

5. Job listings in general

6. People who dunk their faces in cold sparkling water every morning

7. People who don’t throw away their trash at the beach

8. People who don’t stop for the stop signs on school buses.

9. People who don’t slow down in school zones when the lights are flashing, but they don’t see any kids. You have no idea where little Gonzalo could jump out from, slow your ass down!

10. Dallas Cowboys Owner & General Manager Jerry Jones: Another year, another offseason being disappointed with the Dallas Cowboys’ free agency decisions. But what truly made me LIVID was watching the Taylor Sheridan show Landman and seeing Jerry Jones give a helluva five-minute monologue about the importance of family. Damn you, Jerry, damn you for being a decent actor and making me like you in some way when I’m sick of you in so many others. (Here’s the clip: SPOILER WARNING)

11. People who looked up the definition of “tariffs” for the first time in their lives on February 2025.

12. People whose knowledge and opinion of current events comes from listening to the Joe Rogan podcast every week

13. When a woman promises not to fall asleep while watching a show you’ve been holding off on watching so you can both finally watch together. The phrase, “I’m not going to fall asleep” is a secret trigger phrase that instantly kicks the pineal glands into overdrive secreting unreal amounts of melatonin. Her cute ass is hitting the z’s as soon as the intro credits start rolling 😴

14. People who hate on people who prefer vanilla ice cream

15. Someone who says they eat every flavor except vanilla. If you’re really about enjoying good flavors, then you should appreciate the exquisiteness and richness of vanilla. It’s the best flavor out there, and there really shouldn’t be a need for any other flavor. Vanilla is enough.

    

    Reacher (2025)

16. Kid Rock.

17. Roca News: I’m very disappointed having to include them here. They were such a breath of fresh air when they started a few years ago, but things have drastically changed since then. I’m not here to say that they are straight up publishing lies, but they’ve taken a very hard right turn recently with how they frame stories. While they do report on news that is good/bad for the GOP, they have leaned into shitposting captions and memes to share the news, typically playing into dangerous ideas. Some people might read this and say, “So what?” The issue is: Those techniques are employed for engagement purposes and take away from the news they are reporting. It also goes directly against the pledge they made when they were started—a pledge that is still on their website and made me LOL after I read it and scrolled through their latest posts.

    Their mission reads: Roca is building the go-to news community around nothing but the facts, because we believe our readers are smart enough to form their own opinions.

    Too often, news outlets favor negative, partisan, and alarmist news…

    😐😑 

    Take a quick scroll through their IG profile, and you’ll see they profit by pushing alarmist headlines that raise blood pressures. They know just which buttons to push to get a strong reaction—from all sides. Which leads me to say: Please be very careful where you get your information and how it is framed. Don’t let one headline sway your thoughts on something. The current state of things is a race to see who can be the first to reach the most intense opinion and then share it with the world—don’t fall for that. Read complete articles. Don’t assume a screenshot you see is real until you verify it with your own eyes. Wait a few days to let all the information trickle out. I promise you, the world won’t change because you didn’t get to share some inflammatory headline on your story the moment you saw it posted by the PooPooNewsRealFactz account.

18. Don’t trust Instagram meme accounts that suddenly start posting thirst trap videos. I’m looking at you @CurbYourLarryDavid. You broke our hearts (Michael Corleone to Fredo voice). [UPDATE: As of editing this email on April 1st the thirst-trap posts have been removed! Is this profile safe to trust now? Is it April Fools? I’m not letting my guard down just yet. Guess we’ll find out next time on Dragonball Z]

19. Streaming services. How is it that I’ve been paying for something for years and all of a sudden, the thing I was paying for is no longer included? Now I have to pay more to get something I had already been paying for? And people think it’s a good idea to shut down the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau?

20. Don’t trust Philadelphia Eagles fans because they are usually from Philadelphia or Pennsylvania, and that means that when they’re around, anything can happen.

21. I will not elaborate any further on the previous point about Eagles fans out of fear for my safety, which is probably already compromised…