2️⃣078: People You Shouldn't Trust in 2023 🚫

The new year always feels like a fresh start, but we all know you're not sticking to those lame-ass resolutions you came up with. Instead, I offer you one that will be easier to follow. Here's a fresh list of people you should have zero confidence in for the next 365 days (and beyond). 

1. Kanye West & Andrew Tate

2. Andrew Tate & Kanye West

3. People who use Safari on their laptops

4. George Santos

5. People still putting on for Tory Lanez after he was found guilty

6. Tory Lanez' Dad

7. Anyone who uses a Kipling book-bag in 2023

8. Tory Lanez

9. The House of Representatives

10. Jared Leto (weirdo)

11. People who have read less than 5 entire books for fun in their entire lives

12. People who purchased Twitter Blue but don't use their Twitter for any business purposes

13. Anyone who un-ironically retweets Elon Musk on my timeline. Thanks for letting me know I had no reason to be following you.

14. Elon Musk

15. People who post stories on Facebook (WhatsApp is somewhat acceptable but I'm only saying that because I have some friends whom I trust who post stories on WhatsApp)

16. Season 2 Nathan Shelley

17. The people who live in the apartment at the end of my floor who order a ton of shit through delivery and then leave it outside their door for days. I’ve seen food deliveries out there for two nights! In December, there were four huge amazon boxes that went into the house one at a time, over the course of a week. I’ve been in the elevator as the people who live in the apartment got out, walked to their door, checked the info on the stuff delivered, and then walked in without picking anything up. The next day at night, all the same boxes were still there. These people have kids! I don’t trust their kids, either!

18. The children of the people who leave all those deliveries outside of their door for days

19. UPDATE: I had written that original paragraph about my floor neighbors a few weeks ago prepping this list, and this week, I walked out, and there was an order of Joe & The Juice that arrived around 6pm. The next morning the order was still there!

20. Rachel Dolezal

21. Rupert Mannion (S1 & S2)

22. People who use the emergency lanes on highways as a regular lane to cut in front of everyone else because they don’t want to wait in traffic

23. Characters played by Edward Norton. Seriously. You probably thought this email was about Glass Onion (which I enjoyed watching twice). But it's not. It's about an email sent about Glass Onion that inspired me to finalize this email I had to finish last night to send you this morning, but I was missing the big fun kick of it. Shea Serrano sent an email after watching Glass Onion talking about how Edward Norton's acting career is highlighted by so many characters who are always the untrustworthy villain. From his groundbreaking cinematic debut in Primal Fear to the cult classic Fight Club to his most recent role as the conniving billionaire Miles Bron. These well-remembered characters are some of the least trustworthy people you will ever encounter. Although, this doesn't extend to Edward Norton's entire career. If anything, one of the most trustworthy characters he's ever played is none other than reformed neo-Nazi Derek Vinyard in American History X (to the extent you can trust someone who has a swastika tattooed on their chest, which is very little).

If you've made it this far, thank you so much for supporting my writing. It means everything to me that you'd take time out of your busy day with so much in the world vying for your attention to read the things I write. That being said, I've been very busy lately. And since I haven't been able to monetize this newsletter (yet), I have some difficult decisions to make. For the foreseeable future, I will be putting a pause on a guaranteed weekly email. That doesn't mean I won't send emails. I just can't promise I'll send one every week. This takes a lot of time thinking and writing and researching, and putting together an experience worthy of your time. My schedule is very busy, and I don't feel I have the bandwidth (#PukeAtCorporateBuzzword) to do that for you right now. That doesn't mean 2UESDAY is dead. It's still very much living. I just have bills to pay. 

Please keep telling your friends and anyone who will listen about the email, and even send them your favorite one from the archives to get them hooked. 

If you have any questions or ideas or want to talk about anything, you can respond to this email, and I'm on the other side. But 95% of the people reading this also have my cellphone number and social media accounts. 

I love you all. Thank you for making 2UESDAY possible. This is just a slight detour on the road to changing how people interact with their email inboxes forever 💌

PS

We still don't trust Taylor Swift!