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  • 2️⃣114: Everybody Poops 💩

2️⃣114: Everybody Poops 💩

Kids Remember The Darnedest Things

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As time goes by, I remember fewer and fewer things.

I’m not aware of what I don’t remember, but I know there are many things I don’t remember. It makes me wonder, are the things we remember the most important things? Or do we consider them significant because those are the things we remember and thus those are the things that shape our memories and understanding of a time that once was but no longer is?

I don’t choose what to remember, it just happens. There are many things I wish I could remember, things I used to remember but have long since forgotten. Things that aren’t all that important in the grand scheme of things, but they’re still significant to me.

I remember fewer and fewer quotes from Anchorman, Old School, Wedding Crashers and other 2000s comedies that shaped the way many Millennials speak to each other and the jokes we make. I used to have dozens of Chappelle Show lines I could spit out at a moment’s notice. Now I mostly say “Fuck yo couch” and “Game, blouses 😮‍💨”

Every time my partner says EXCITIIIIING or SPOOKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY in a tone they like to use, I think of Dave Chappelle as Rick James punching Charlie Murphy in the forehead and saying UNITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. But I’m not sure if they remember, so I keep that to myself.

I know I used to remember more Lil’ Wayne one-liners than most people remember almost anything else in their lives. I had a Weezy bar for anything and everything that might happen.

Walking down the street, and you see a car run a red light?

Got to the movies, but the girl you wanted to talk to was already holding hands with someone else?

Eleven years old skipping school to sell crack in the neighborhood when you suddenly see the police turn the corner, and you have to hide the big ‘ol crack rock in your jaw while you rolled passed them on your bike and pretended you were just another kid hanging out doing nothing wrong even though you should’ve been in school?

There’s a bar for that. That I remember.

Growing up and growing old is such an interesting experience. There are so many things that change, for better, for worse, and for neither. Sometimes things just change. They aren’t good or bad, they are just are. When you’re younger, you don’t realize that, but as you get older, you realize that’s how most things are. I think growing up would be a lot more fun, and a lot more rewarding, if the people who have already done the growing up were a bit more understanding with the people who have so much left to grow.

I remember being a kid and having my heart broken.

I remember adults trying to console me by telling me, “It’s okay, you’ll forget all about this in a few years. You’ll move on and find someone else. It’s no big deal.” Now I see people younger than me falling in love and falling out of love, and how they react when things don’t go their way. How they think the world is over, things will never be the same. There’s nothing left to live for. And I think to myself, “Silly youngsters, you’ll get over it!”

Then I stop myself, and I realize that’s what they used to say to me. Dammit, the adults were right. But that doesn’t mean they were right in the way they went about telling me. When you’re older, you look back on “problems” you used to have and realize how trivial they were in the grand scheme of things. But when you’re younger, those “problems” that might not matter when you’re 35 mean everything at the moment. I think we need to do better at honoring that.

Even though it’s true that heartbreak in high school or college is more than likely not going to ruin your life, younger people don’t know that. Because it’s one of the few things they’ve experienced that takes over their entire mind, body, and soul. Who are we to tell them that what they are feeling isn’t valid? Even if they will get over it eventually when they have more lived experiences, at that moment it’s all they know. And if it’s all they know, then the way they react is perfectly valid.

I try to remember that every time I get the opportunity to spend time with someone younger. Whether it’s working schools, spending time with younger family members, or with other people I meet throughout life. I don’t consider that downplaying someone’s feelings in a moment is justified simply because I know in 10 years they’ll be paying rent and bills and have a ton of other responsibilities. And that incident will be just another thing they’ll look back on and laugh at or remember fondly. Just because somewhere down the line, they’ll be okay with what happened doesn’t mean we should tell them they need to be okay with it the moment it happens.

That heart break I mentioned earlier? I still think about it. Not in the sense of “I wish that had worked out because everything would be perfect now, that was really the one,” but in the sense of, “It’s interesting to look back and analyze what I was thinking and feeling back then while comparing those feelings to everything I’ve learned and experienced since that moment.” I like to look back in ways that make me feel like I’m learning something from everything I’ve gone through.

Do I sometimes look back and reminisce thinking it could’ve worked out, and I would’ve been extremely happy? Of course, it’s only natural as a romantic. But I never look back with regrets or longing that things could be fixed today if I had done something differently before. Because what’s done is done, and I promised myself to never live with regrets. Only experiences that taught me lessons in who I am, what I need to let go of, and the work it will take to become who I know I’m destined to be.

But there is one thing I will never, ever, ever, forget the rest of my life:

The day my 6th grade math teacher came to class to tell us about an episode of Oprah she saw where a doctor talked about how you can determine how healthy your stomach is by looking at your poop.

If you were in middle school with me, and you’re reading this right now, you know exactly who and what I’m talking about. You might’ve read the first half of this email and thought to yourself, “There he goes again, melancholic, dreamy, emotional, thinking about things that have already happened and never knowing how to stop feeling. Classic DAVE.” (Yes, if you thought all of those things, you are one of the chosen ones who can call me whatever you like because you were there with me and there for me as I was going through all of those feelings.)

But the moment I mentioned my 6th grade math teacher’s poop talks? Your eyes opened wide, your eyebrows lifted, your ears perked, and your head probably popped up from wherever you’re hunched over reading this as you thought to yourself, “I remember that day!”

I will never forget that fateful day when our teacher walked in and said, “Before we get started, I want to talk about something very important with all of you.” She then proceeded to regale us with a story of the doctor Oprah interviewed and all the shit (literally) he had to talk about. What your poop is supposed to look like if you’re healthy, what it looks like if you’re not, what it should sound like when it hits the water, etc. etc.

I remember learning so much from that teacher. We learned about Pre-Algebra, how to keep an organized notebook, what people born decades before us thought about the movie 40-Year-Old Virgin, and, last but not least, what my shit is supposed to sound and look like when it hits the toilet bowl. She always supported us, she scolded us when we caused trouble (which happened frequently) and gives us hugs and kisses whenever she happens to see us today somewhere out in the world.

She did so many incredible things, as an educator, as a shaper of young minds, and a molder of young people, trying to lift them up to be everything they can be.

But of all the things she ever said or did, the one that impacted me and all of my classmates more than anything else was the day she talked about poop.

I’m writing this email to remind you that anything you ever say or do, especially with younger people, could be the thing they remember for the rest of their lives. Not because they chose to, not because they want to, but because the things that have the greatest impact on us are beyond our control.

Now, any time I ever finish doing my duty in the bathroom, I get up, take a look, and if it looks dense and healthy, the first thing I think to myself is, “I should take a picture of this and send it to the group chat to let them know this is one of those healthy poops she was talking about. Thank you for imparting this wisdom on us, Ms.—”

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