2️⃣069: N!CE😏

*Meek Mill Voice*

Ain't this what y'all been waiting for?

For the last 7 days?

(and for 7 days after that, or before this)

"CUT!"

cut that, cut the music 🙅🏼

but, Sir, there's no music playing 😐

Don't get smart with me, Einstein 🧠

I know what I'm doing here

I was,

(Capital D) directing music videos while you were wearing diapers trying to stick a fork in an electrical socket ⚡️(i want you to picture that. Sorry, mom's and dad's)

but, it's an email...💌

"AS I WAS SAYING...😒"

david, (not david), is not the first person to do this

but no one's ever done this the way he's about to do this

erupting like Vesuvius 🌋

she always orders rare at Ruth's Chris 🥩

"CUUUUT!

this is NOT working (Noho Hank Voice)

like, terrible rhymes (Noho Hank Voice)

what's even going on here? (Noho Hank Voice)

did you think about this before you started typing?

nobody ever sounded cool using "Meek" "Mill" "Voice"

and your mom (plus others) aren't going to know who Meek Mill is

that's what i'm talking about,

what's the point of all of this?

the point is...

why do you show up every 2UESDAY?

think about it this way,

*starts waving arms to get your attention*

i'm here (typing)

you're there (reading)

there is wherever here is for you but it's still there for me because here is here for me

and you're all like, "oh, the forests are burning and the tides are turning while the ice melts and i thought all this technology was supposed to make life easier and we'd work less and my brain is about to explode from the 87462 pictures and 32457 videos i consume daily but let me read what this a**hole wrote about for his 2uesdayblog. maybe it'll be something that actually matters someday."

and you need to remember we're in my head, so that might not be what you're thinking, and maybe it's not even what i'm thinking, but i thought of it now and wrote it down, so at one point or another, i was thinking it (satirically)

so you're there, sitting, if you're driving be careful. at least turn the music down so it won't distract you from the reading (my lawyer says i should clarify that was a joke). you can leave the music volume up i guess 🫤 (that was a joke)

but i'm only going to make the jokes

i want to make

and paint the things

i want to paint, and 🎨

sings the songs i want to sings (the crowd boos 🍅)

and when i'm talking about jokes, i mean more the jaja than the haha types. if your first language is Spanish, why would you ever haha when you can jaja for the rest of your days? i think about that a lot. i can write all those things, but i can't control how you read it in your head.

but i can still make you,

and we all know what it sounded like 😈

That's the point I'm trying to get at here. Every time you open this email, we've entered into a commitment (an emailationship of sorts #StopTryingToMakeEmailationshipHappen). You're there (here), sitting (driving), and one tap gives you access to my 🧠 And, it can be dangerous because you never know what's going on up there. But all of this is what's going on up there. Most of the time, it's really just like that, with the thoughts hitting enter in the middle of a sentence and starting on a new line. UPPERCASE. lowercase. Bold. Italicized. Theme changes and scene cuts, and some emojis thrown in between. I personally don't believe in "let me share my bad days online because it will help people to know others are going through it" because everyone is going through it one way or another, and if for any reason you think just because someone shows you the best parts of their lives (aka the most interesting ones), it means they're not going through it, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I want to sell you.

Come on, man (gender neutral). You gotta be real with yourself. Everyone's head is a disastrous jumble of thoughts and feelings and emotions, and we have no idea what we're doing most of the time, and some people have it more difficult than others, and it's true, and we don't have to argue and compare we just kinda do that thing my friend discovered when he told me how when he's anxious his dog gets anxious too it's like his dog can feel his feelings like that's crazy, and I was like yesyes I believe academics may have coined a term for that, possibly.

What I'm saying is:

(for a guy who writes so much, he seems to spend a lot of time explaining himself -They said)

Life is stressful. And we're all looking for ways to cure ourselves of the stress that plagues us. Life should be like...

But it's not. Instead, you're here, and I want here (not wherever "here" is for you physically in the moment you read this), here as in #2UESDAY, to be a space where you come to get away from all of that. And if the writing ever makes you think deep, (i hope that) at least you enjoyed the thoughts it gave you. I want you to come here and smile. When you finish reading this, and you put your phone down and pick your head back up to your computer screen at work, I want you to smile. Because you just spent a very delightful 4-7 minutes with me 🤠

PS

if that last line didn't work because you read this while sitting on the toilet, text me