2️⃣054: The Emoji Dictionary Vol. 1 👨🏽‍🏫

This face means violence.

And I'm not talking about the electricity that immediately starts coursing through my veins when someone plays “Pepas 💊” on a Sunday night, and I was supposed to stay in and take it easy, but now I've decided we're going to party for 72 hours straight without sleeping and there's no going back call in to work use those extra sick days maybe kill off a family member or two if you need to, but you're not showing up to the office until Thursday type of violence.

(That's a different type altogether)

I'm talking about passive-aggressive “as per my last email” type of violence 👩🏻‍💻

I'm talking about the keep fucking around and find out who I really am I'll burn your entire city down and kill all my would-be subjects type of violence 🐉

The “I think you're a dumbass for asking, or suggesting, or even daring to get that wrong” type of violence 😑

When you send this emoji, you're basically telling the other person to go fuck themselves. Are you ready to shoulder the type of weight that carries?

(Unless it's my mom. If she sends the emoji, it's a beautiful little smile. But only my mom, not yours. Sorry, not sorry to your mom(s).)

Violence begets more violence. Except this face isn't hiding anything. This face is smiling and looking at you upside down because you're so fucking stupid for whatever you just said or did that I'm already clenching my fists, trying to keep it together and not punch you in the face type of violence.

This might be the emoji of the year. One of the most outstanding achievements in the history of Apple as a brand. This face says everything without saying it. Could be good, could be bad, could be scared, could be happy, could be Horny. You don't even need to explain it because whatever the situation is, if someone uses this emoji with you, you'll know exactly what they mean by it (I hope).

I don't know what the fuck this is supposed to be used for, but it looks cool. If you have a general idea of what it means, text me your thoughts.

Both of these faces are horny af (but in different ways). The holding back tears face (🥹) is being so happy that you're horny and thinking about what kind of freak shit is about to go down with the person you're sending it to. And when the person you're sending it to sees it, they're like, “Oh shit. They're happy-horny, horny-happy. They're so fucking excited to see me (or excited for any other reason) that it's turning them on.” Regardless, you both know it's about to go down 😎

The pleading face (🥺) is horny but nasty-horny. Not that the face holding back tears can't get nasty (anyone can get nasty...🥹). This is just a different type of nasty. We’re going to have to change all the sheets and even get the rug on the floor professionally cleaned type of nasty. The kind of nasty when you're flirting with someone, and maybe it hasn't happened yet, and you want to let them know but also be subtle about it even though it's really in your face. Or, if it's already happened, you're letting them know they're taking you to that place you've already been, and you don't just want to go there again, you NEED to go there again. That's how horny it is.

(you've been warned, use these emojis at your own risk)

This is too damn cute. It takes our emoji-heart game to the next level. I like to use different colored hearts for different people and situations, but this is a platonic heart that you can send to someone to let them know they made you feel warm inside without any other insinuations. The world needs more 🫶 🫶 🫶

This is the cocaine face.

This is the molly face.

This is the oh shit I just walked into the bathroom and these people are doing cocaine and molly I didn't even know you could snort molly is that what The Weeknd was talking about ok let me just act cool so they don't scream at me like I'm some sort of narc even though I don't plan on doing any of these drugs face.

This is the I JUST CAME BACK FROM ACCIDENTALLY WALKING INTO THE BATHROOM AND CAUGHT THEM DOING NOT PEPSI face 🚨

This is inquisitive, but not judgmental. It's like, “I don't understand what you mean. Can you please elaborate further?” Or, “That is interesting. Please provide additional information because you've got my attention.”

This is the “Are you fucking serious right now? / Are you talking to me?” face. If you get this one, they don't mean it in a positive way.

What a terrible name/description for an emoji. Everyone knows this is the I'm so excited, I'm waving my arms around like a T. rex with tiny arms face. This is the Jonah Hill GIF face.

You graduate into being cool with your fellow kids once you understand how to use this face properly. It can mean crying, but it usually means crying-laughing. Like that was so funny, I'm crying-laugh. Or that shit is so crazy I can't believe it, so I'm laughing-crying.

Watch out for people who don't know how to use this properly. Their regular face is probably like 😁🚨

Another incredible emoji. No explanation is needed.

This is the Dirt Off Your Shoulder face. The Wipe Me Down face. This is the pullin' out the coupe at the lot / Told 'em fuck 12, fuck SWAT / Bustin' all the bells out the box / I just hit a lick with the box / Had to put the stick in a box face.

This is the United States is really just four arms dealers in a trench coat finger point. The we're always at war because it's good for business, and if we create an outside threat for people to be afraid of, they'll just be okay with the shit we're allowing and doing to them at home finger point. The we've been bombing countries so long and so consistently it's laughable how little we care when Black and Brown people are the ones being killed face 😕

TO BE CONTINUED LATER 2DAY🤠