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  • 2️⃣026: Wrap👏🏽It👏🏽Up!👏🏽

2️⃣026: Wrap👏🏽It👏🏽Up!👏🏽

and fuck Christopher Columbus 🖕🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿

En Puerto Rico las navidades duran 3 meses 🎄 

So here's some shit I'm thankful for:

Thankful for those tiny little cupcakes from Publix 🧁

Yeah, you know the ones I'm talking about. I always have them at my place. And anyone who comes over is welcome to have one of the cupcakes, under one condition: you have to eat the whole thing de una. In one single bite. Put the entire cake of cup in your mouth, chew, and swallow. Listen, I don't make the rules (actually, I do. It's my kitchen, I bought the cupcakes, so if you want one, eat it like I said it ain't that hard, shits are petite, plus it's a fun thing, like the Burger King King head).

Thankful for the two dudes on a bus meme 🚌

It makes me so happy when a meme is very easy to understand and replicate, leading to a proliferation of that format on the internet during a short amount of time. It's beautiful. It's literally what the definition of a meme is (thanks for everything, Professor Dawkins, we'll take it from here). In honor, I’ll be posting a selection of some of my faves throughout the email

Thankful for using wet wipes instead of toilet paper 🧻

Seriously, once you go, you can never go back. And I know we discussed the proper technique on Sunday, whether straight to wipes or start with paper, then finish with wipes and possibly paper again to dry off. It gets even more complicated when a bidet is in play, but it's whatever you prefer! As long as that booty is pristine ✨

Thankful for my home that is always a home even when home is no longer home 🏚

Y gracias ma', por haberme parido aquí

Cerquita de la playa y el coquí

Thankful for that time you visited during college and we went to the park 🌿

You were visiting other people but made time just for us, and it was beautiful. We spent a few hours walking around just talking, and it made me so happy because it was us like it had always been. That day gave me a sense of comfort because I thought we could have that forever. But that might've been the last time we ever had that.

Thankful that I'm a lefty (did you notice all hand emojis are right hands?) 👋

I was going to make a joke about people who are left-handed facing persecution historically. Then I thought about a political 'left' pun (but I'm terrible at puns). Then I thought, why make a joke about oppression when there are all these people today who are actually oppressed while there are others who have everything but think they are oppressed because of what they read on those websites created by the bald dude with the beard and the weirdo pushing Hawaiians out of their land? Idk, just felt like a joke wouldn't work.

Thankful for this tank top hoodie I'm wearing right now 🎽

This shit is perfect. Aside from a lack of pockets, a lot of women's clothing is so comfortable and practical. And some of you were like, "Na, don't buy that." And others were like, "Yo, yes, fucking buy it!" And some that were like, "You're weird for wearing it." And I still haven't figured out how to use it with a fit outside of my home, but I will one day, but when I figure it out, it's over for you-

Thankful for the nights we used to fall asleep watching TV 📺

And then we'd wake up having fallen over each other on the couch with the DVD Main Menu playing, and one of us would be like, "Play another episode?" And the other would be like, "Of course." And we'd just do that all night. But I know that ain't happening again.

I'm still thankful, though!

Thankful when you send me posts on Instagram 📲

I don't really send posts. There are maybe a handful of people I send things to if something very specific reminds me of them, and it's from a more obscure account I know they're not following, and they probably haven't seen the post. Or if it's from a very very niche meme account and I know someone will appreciate the meme, I actually screenshot it and then send it via text so they don't find my niche meme accounts I follow so I can share the memes and be like, "Yeah I find all the best memes." It's like I'm gatekeeping memes, but fuck it because some of y'all just be getting every meme from @SHITEHEADSTEVE, and everyone has seen that shit so please stop re-sharing and following the same post everyone already liked. Show me something fresh! I can't let you in on these niche accounts that amount of culture would fry your brain.

Anyway, I appreciate when you send me posts even when I don't always reply, and the posts pile up, and then I respond to like 10 of them all at the same time. Not gonna lie; it's kinda overwhelming to just keep getting posts with no response, but I know it's out of love, so I go in and respond to them all (eventually). And I'm always like, "Oh damn, look at you thinking about me so much! I really appreciate you."

Thankful when you pour the right amount of a drink 🥤

Like when you're having lunch/dinner, and you pour some juice or a soda, and it lasts the exact amount of time it takes you to eat your meal. So basically, you take your last bite of the meal, and then you gulp down the last bit of your liquid, and it was the perfect amount you needed. No more. No less. And you're satisfied. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Thankful when the express lanes are cheap 🚦

Express lane prices are a scaaaam. This traffic is bullshit. Building tunnels for single cars isn't going to fix the problem. That's like adding an extra lane on the highway. It's been proven to make things worse. Invest in fucking public transit pleaaaase. But we can't do that because certain moneymakers wouldn't be making that much money 🤭

Thankful when you come up to me and say, "Yo, I love your stories." 🏆

Thank you. I love them too. When I post, I mostly just re-watch my own shit like, this man is hilarious, he's smart, he's witty, he's ridiculously good looking, what a catch, wish I could date him, oh, I already do 😎

Thankful for all the crazy sports moments I've seen live (on TV) 🎳

Ray Allen 3 pointer from the corner (BANG!)

Malice at the Palace

Cardinals vs Steelers Super Bowl

All the good Patriots Super Bowls

La final de la mundial Francia contra Italia pero lo vimos en un restaurante al tope de la montaña donde esta El Cristo en Rio de Janeiro.

Lots more

Thankful that you taught me what was cool 😎

I don't know what I would've been like without you there to teach me all those things, but it definitely wouldn't have been this. And this has been pretty amazing.

Thankful you'd stay after those early workouts in the snow ☃️

Can't believe we were exercising at that hour. But I was always like fuck it, we're up. Let's just chill here for a bit. And you were like yeah, I'll stay with you.

Thankful you always think of me first 📝

And always believe that I'm the best person to work on whatever you're thinking of. And you always tell others too. And I usually don't end up doing the things, but you believed in me, and that's enough.

Thankful that you all believe in me 🤠

When it comes to all these random things. And you're like, "He's the best here and does this really well and this and that." And I'm just some asshole with a keyboard. Pero, it works.

Thankful when it feels like you're talking just to me 🧘🏽‍♂️

And you're giving cues standing right next to me. I know you're staring straight at me, but I'm focused on the asana, and I'm like, "Nah, gonna kill this and breathe properly and not make eye contact and laugh." Because usually, I'm having too much fun in those moments. If I see you Imma laugh. And if you see me being too serious, I'm probably just trying to make you laugh. But I do feel you there, and it feels like it's just for me, and I kinda love that even though it isn't (just for me).

Thankful that people are enjoying what I'm doing 💖

And when you said, "I saw your name teaching and had to sing up!" I was like, okay, alright, that's fine, okay!, WATTBA 💎

Thankful for all those nights we re-watched Criminal Minds episodes 🧠

I'd come home late from being out, and you were there watching TV and were like, "Yo! You wanna watch this new episode? I already saw it, but I'll watch it again with you." And I was like yeah that's awesome, and then I'd fall asleep watching the episode in the first 15 minutes.

Thankful for all those times you drove me to soccer ⚽️

That's a few of you reading this, and it's for all of you.

Thankful for all that shit that is never coming back 🏡

Like all those things we did, and the places we went, and the people we saw, and the mood, and how everyone felt. Those things we try to hold on to forever and re-create and can never let go. Whether they happened in the past few months or the past 20 years. I loved them, I know you did too. We can't hold on to it all forever. But we can still remember. And be thankful!

Thankful that you Are

Thankful that you still text and write

Thankful that you read this shit

Thankful that you like every single post

Thankful that you always tell me you enjoy what I wrote

Thankful that I get to spend time with you

Thankful that we met

Thankful for how we met

Thankful for the few moments we’ve spent together

Thankful we knew each other even though now it feels like we don't

Thankful that you always invite me even though I say "No" most times, but one day it will be a “Yes!”

Thankful that I was born at that specific time with all those specific things going on, and I went through all these changes

Thankful that it looks like you're happy

Thankful that you're healthy!

Thankful that you're killing it. You really are. I love to see it!

Thankful for the internet shitting on the right people, like this fucking guy:

Email got too long to include all the pictures I wanted to include. So go to my Instagram story at 1pm to see what I’m referring to @2nosabe

Thankful you read all that ish and made it all the way here 🤠

PS

Always thankful for 2uesdays 😘

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