2️⃣020: Another 🥀

I saw another flower today 🌹

The kind that makes me think of You

I wish I could've walked away

But it was on my route

The way I take to my happy place

That's where I saw the flower today

Today is actually yesterday because I'm writing this after the fact

(or maybe I wrote it over a series of days and several months thinking about it in my heart before jotting it down on Microsoft OneNote *sammy sosa chest to lips finger kiss thing move*)

Or maybe this never happened y me lo imaginé todo

—

I was listening to Blue World by Mac Miller

(EDITOR'S NOTE: he was listening to Blue World by Mac Miller)

—

It's the song that helped me in the toughest times⭕️

I walk this way six days a week

I crossed the street earlier this time

It's a one-way, but I always look both ways 👀

Is that weird?

I always pass by the gym, you know, the one with the boxing ring outside where I used to go to cryo 🥶

Y yo siempre era el único que entraba ahi como Pedro por su casa sin hablarle a los del front desk porque yo no iba a usar el gym, yo iba pal cryo. And one time, I came in before going to the studio, wearing my leggings and carrying my mat, walking by all those buff dudes whose arms are so big they probably can't wipe their own ass because they can't turn that far back. That might be why they invented bidets. But their toxic masculinity probably won't let them use one because it feels kinda good when that water hits your booty hole, and you're a little surprised at first and then you're like oh this is what Stifler was talking about in that one scene from Road Trip.

Anyways, I walked by with my leggings on and with my mat, and someone whispered, "He's a yogi." And that was the first time a stranger's ever said that, and I kinda liked it 😏

It's the route I take when I walk by the gym-place where I saw the flower today

I was listening to some of the same shit I always listen to

At this point, it might just be comfort music

People ask me what I think of a CD 30 minutes after it was released

Mofucka, I was sleeping. Let me wake up first at least, damn

Am I supposed to listen to it in my dreams and formulate a critique?

NEW CHALLENGE: Don't try to give your take on a new piece of music until at least 2 weeks after it's been released and you've heard the album about 3 times minimum.

So I was listening to one of the same playlists I always do

You know, one of the ones that get me in the right mood (2009)

When I walked by the flower

But not before walking by

the dude showering on the sidewalk 🛀

Like he always does.

He cleans himself up by opening the fire hydrant and letting government-controlled water caress his body in all the right spots 💦 The same way we used to open the hydrants and play in the water on a hot day on the street when we were kids. I wonder why he always showers at the same time. It's probably the sunset 🌇

When you're homeless, there's not much to look forward to. But a chance to get clean while seeing the South Florida sun set using some refreshing you're-not-supposed-to-use-that-water water might be one of the highest life highs you can get when life's that low.

Do you ever think about how real estate is so stupid.

The Earth doesn't actually belong to anyone, but if you have enough guns, a badge, and some green papers, we decide it's yours 🌎💰

—

I took another step towards the flower

And I thought about one of the last things you told me

How you would always love me -- adore* me 🍯

But I'd be the only person who ever knew that because you'd never tell another soul

I never knew a statement could make me so happy but so sad at the same time 😔

And I started thinking about the other day when JL called me but I didn't answer and I never called him back and I didn't even text. And then the next day he called and we talked like it was nothing because he knew. And I know that he knows that we both know that it really ain't no thing like if something like that happens it's ok we both got stuff to do and I know there's only a handful of people on the planet where I can feel that way about not answering a call or straight up ignoring them and posting a really good story after (I mean, you know how good my stories are). And I guess I wish that you knew like he knows that I know that even if you called or texted and I didn't answer in that way that we both know like he knows that it's really NBD

but I wonder if we were the way I wish we were, would it even be that I didn't respond because you're the first person I'd want to talk to anyway, so that would never happen?

Well, I guess that's a paragraph that really didn't matter if it would never happen.

And just because I don't respond doesn't mean I don't care 💔

Even if I'm still posting

It's gotten overwhelming lately

I don't even know where to begin

I'm now one of those people with a red bubble on their texts and DMs that never seems to go away 🔴

I think I developed #NotificationNumbness😵‍💫

And it hurts when it's people I care about

and i care about a lot of people

And I wonder if the people I care about think I'm not caring by not showing that I care through the ways we've been conditioned to show we care, but I still care so much because I think about it all the time. But thinking ain't shit if I don't do it, so do I really care if I think it and I never do it?

I think that's the same paragraph from before but with different words

You still want to grow up to be a rapper?

Don’t worry about me, I’m still 🏊🏽‍♂️

Even though sometimes it feels like I’m going in

You ever have one of those moments when you're with someone and something they do makes you think of someone else?

Like, I thought I had moved past this 🙄

I'm not here to argue seblantics with you, ice fishing is fucking exhilarating 🎣

—

I never wrote you that song

But I used to write your name on every bomb

Now I skip your stories when they come

That doesn't rhyme, but it did in my head 📝

—

And this ain't no depression talkin

It's suicide seats on the Tesla talkin

It was Bacali's cumpleaños and was Offset on the dance floor living it up but Quavo was like oh no skin out mi pum pum 💃🏿🕺🏿

The flower made me think of you

But when I think of you, I think I'm really thinking of me

Because I'm not sure what to do

Not about you,

about Me

Remember when we used to dream about how life what supposed to be.

But now life is, and we're not really sure what that means.

And I'm not sure what is is supposed to be

But today I saw a flower, and instead of thinking of you

I decided to think of Me 🌷